1) How Many Scary Ass-Tunnels And Bridges Must I Cross?
Ass-TunnelAnswer: You are a bike racer. Besides being relatively fit, overly weight-obsessed and most likely shaved, part of your job description includes braving some of the least sanitary latrine conditions this side of a Civil War prison camp. You should be ready and willing to engage any ass-tunnel you come across. Also, there is only one non ass-tunnel, and it is awesome.
2) What Exactly Happens After Dark At Eagle Lodge?
Answer: Having spent my entire time at Rimmey Lodge with 10 other participants, 2 squirrels and at least one Frenchman, I am unsure of what they did across camp at Eagle. They did not have the pleasure of bunking with Mark Weirs Beard, so I can only assume it was dull and uninteresting (if somewhat safer).
3) Should I be training for TSE right now? I mean, like, I haven’t ridden my bike in several months, and is there going to be a lot of climbing?
Answer: Yes. You should. You hear me Justin Lindine? You should be putting in at least 40 training hours between now and the start of the race. You need to be ready, right? Prepared. And not at all overtrained. In fact, because of all the climbing, I suggest you try to lose a few pounds by next week. This goes double for Wicks. Seriously, guys. Bread and water.
4) Does chamois cream come in Costco-sized tubs? What about Pepto?
Answer: You can make that happen. It's up to you. It depends on your level of commitment (and how much you are willing to deal with the floor of your living room looking like the aftermath of a porno shoot).
5) Approximately how many rocks and roots will I encounter on the trail?
Answer: 42
6) Is it guaranteed that I will have a great time?
Answer: Talk to me after stage 3.
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